Trying to Raise Kind Kids: Navigating Bathtime Insults with Grace

Let me paint you a picture. It's bathtime, and I'm trying to cajole my rambunctious 4-year-old out of the tub. But instead of cooperation, I get hit with a verbal grenade. "Your eye hole is hanging, and your shirt is fat on you, Mom!" Ouch, right?

Now, it's important to note that I've been pretty conscious about not discussing weight, looks, or physical attributes in front of my kids. I've got all the insecurities of my 18-year-old self packed into my 40-something, round, baby-weight carrying body. So how in the world did my little one know how to throw such a zinger?

Kids, as it turns out, are like sponges. They soak up all sorts of things, and sometimes it's not always rainbows and butterflies. I'm very familiar with some well-placed F-bombs he learned from me. But, in this case, I quickly deduced that school was the culprit. Some little chatterbox at school was probably dishing out these words. And I hope to assume, that these types of statements were learned from an older sibling or peering over the shoulder of some type of media on a handheld device.

To be fair, I know he was in an agitated state because I wanted to get him out of the bath tub, and he did not want to get out of the bathtub. So he strung together a few words he thought might get a reaction out of me, with some sort of insider knowledge that they were probably not nice words. He didn't know exactly what he was saying but loaded them up and shot them out anyhow.

What's troubling is that my son is just four, and I always thought we had a few more years before kids started hurling hurtful words at each other. But there it was, plain as day, a glimpse into the tough world of growing up.

So, what's a mom to do? I decided to ask him to repeat himself. You know, give him another chance to clarify his statement. The steadfast look in my eyes threw him off a bit, but he finally got around to saying something along the lines of "you look fat".

I remember the snarky things I said to my parents, so I get it. It's part of growing up. But still, it hit me that we're entering an age where kids might start trying to hurt each other with words. Because up until now, "you're not my friend today" was the meanest thing he had in his verbal repertoire.

This whole experience got me thinking about the power of words and how important it is to choose them wisely. I don't want my kid repeating things he learns at school and calling little girls, teachers (or animals) fat. Even if he doesn't fully grasp the meaning, words carry weight. That's why I've always tried to diversify our book selections. See the list below.

Now, as the holiday season approaches, I want to express some reverse gratitudes, inspired by the vocabulary of my spirited little one.

1. I'm thankful for the diversity of books in our home library that show people in all different shapes and sizes. These books teach our kids that there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to people.

2. I'm thankful for my tiny tornadoes, my bundles of energy who, with the right book, can be tamed and transported to magical worlds, even if only temporarily.

3. I'm thankful for bathtime, where we go from back floats to bubble beards, from watching them practice getting their faces wet and holding their breath to glow-in-the-dark foam parties, from dodging splashes to dodging verbal assaults. It's a chaotic time for unbridled play.

4. I'm thankful for my little talkers, who, even though their words may sting at times and their sentences might not make sense, aren't afraid to explore the weight of words and learn new ones.

5. I'm thankful for my kids' big hearts, their ability to understand when someone is sad or hurt, and their readiness to offer "huggies," even when they might be the ones responsible for the wound.

6. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to retell incredible moments with my kids and craft stories that have been inspired by little infractions, big moments, and everything in between (#SaltyBooks). Side note: the day after this happened, he sat down with me and helped me plot out a future book about kids that are really kind and encourage each other to do cool things... coming 2024.

7. Most of all, I'm thankful for teachers, educators, and caregivers everywhere. It's tough out on the playground 😉

So, here's to the enduring, ongoing, everyday task of trying to raise kind and considerate kids who understand the power of words and choose them wisely. It's a journey with bumps, sinkholes, and bridges along the way, but we'll get there, one book at a time.

Cheers to the holiday season, gratitude, and the ongoing adventure of parenthood!

What's On Our Bookshelf (November)

• One of my all-time favorites is "I Like Myself." It's a delightfully silly book that, in a catchy rhyme, reminds us that no matter what we look like, we should always like ourselves. I also like to over-enunciate 'purple polka dotted lips'.

• We're Different, We're The Same. All about uniqueness of our physical and emotional attributes. Got this one as a holiday stuffer from one of my sisters, but it's almost made my kids too good at looking for differences.

• The Green Umbrella. All about sharing and being considerate. We received this one from a distant relative who is a librarian and she always sends the most unique books with heartfelt lessons.

• The Thankful Book. Straight shooter about things to be thankful for. I found this one in a curbside little library and keep it on hand for exactly this time of year.